epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
Talk:James Bond vs Austin Powers/@comment-24059316-20160612211539
Modern Bond: I've beef with le Chiffre and No and Blofeld with a cheek scar But they were not as crooked and as rotten as your teeth are I'll go balls to the wall-ther on this wack twat in an ascot blast shots at ya like ass from the back slot of a fat scot permission from the crown to put a scoundrel down? I've earned it I'm licensed to kill, you couldn't get a learner's permit After twenty four films I'm still reaching new heights Your third movie died; guess you only live twice Spell my name! Ladies wanna B-on-D! Any sex appeal you might have is beyond me! I'm the ????? from my head to my toe and after this flow I'm done I only need one round *gunshot* Golden Gun Austin: You look a lot more blond in your movie baby That's alright, lets just keep it groovy baby! (Yeah!) Basil Exposition told me this'd be boring But jesus, man, even my mojo's snoring I've never seen such a miserable spy I've also never seen a man with glistening thighs I mean you can't shag ????? with that waxed ???? Birds flock to the musk of my chest furs (Yeah!) Let me entice you with a little striptease And then judo chop, I'm swinging on you like the sixties! (yeah!) you're defenseless since my raps can't be deflected, you're like all the sex i've ever had: unprotected! (yeah!) people want a hero with a little personality noone wants to sit through your gritty reality maybe q could craft some new plot lines you made thunderball two bloody times! I'm one of a kind, you're always getting remade you can't touch me, double oh behave! Modern Bond: I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this clown I should be on an island with a fucking model by now sipping dry martinis and peeling off bikinis not rapping against swedish penis pumping weenies (no, that's not mine) I didn't say I was finished! I'm sick of your silly gimmicks I'm the best spy in the business, just ask all the critics! and I've been through hell, so yeah, I'm a bit of a cynic, but i'm the original model that your frilly arse mimics! Connery Bond: I wouldn't exactly call you original... It's the most prominent dominant bond spy so pay homage handing out ass whoopings, I'm on some real james bond-age your performance doesn't stir me, and I'm certainly not shaken if I wanted shitty acting in my action film I'd go and watch Taken I see your modern gadgets and I piss on them all! I don't need a q, to break your balls I'm the grandad of the brand millions of fans have been sold on You're so far up on my nuts I should call you Bond: gold bond Austin: Yeah, um, could I get back in my rap please? Connery Bond: Rap these, you velvety hack! Austin: Jeez! Modern Bond: It's the movie business and you've had your six The world has had quite enough rug wearing mysogynists Austin: Yeah, to be honest, you are a bit rapey I mean I like to swing but Dr.No-means-no baby Connery Bond: Oh, please, I'm an extraordinary gentleman, I'm distinguished! If they made a mini-me they'd have to cast Peter Dinklage! Modern Bond: Or maybe they'd cast a Bond who's actually English *gunshot* Connery Bond: Why, pussy, aren't you the cunning linguist? Modern Bond: As a matter of fact I've got a knack for licking old cunts After I beat you I'll kick the shit out of the man who does your stunts Connery Bond: Now you listen here, you little duck-faced runt! I'm all in! I'm ready to die any day that you want!